Zipping My Lips

"Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it."  1 Peter 3:9 (NLT)

Photo credit

I sometimes have conversations with people, in my head, as I'm getting ready in the morning. Yesterday morning I had a doozie of one and came up with the PERFECT response to someone's gruff comments to me yesterday.  Sometimes I wish I was quicker with my comebacks in person.
 
Then again, maybe it's good that I can't.  My tongue could probably get me in trouble.  Better to stay quiet than say something I'd regret, I'm thinkin'.

"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."  Proverbs 21:23

Watching our words, whether in response to someone else's unkind comments, or just in every day conversation, is a spiritual discipline that can take much effort and practice.  I'm praying that Alyssa and Kyle learn to watch their words and be careful to speak with words that build up, encourage, and shine the light of Christ living in them.

Words have great power, for good or evil.  Oh be careful little mouth what you say!

Lord, help Alyssa and Kyle keep their tongues out of trouble.  When there is temptation to repay evil for evil, or retaliate with insults when people insult them, help our children to pay back with blessings instead.  May you be reflected in our words, dear Jesus!

 

A God Prompted Letter

Alyssa, Kyle and friends (2004)

I wrote a letter to my daughter yesterday.  God had placed her on my heart.  She's going through a tough time with her new roommates.  Its a reminder that relationships are hard, hard work.  I have a similar stretching experience in my life and thought I'd share with Lyss what God has been teaching me.  A portion of the letter is below (though edited out for some privacy).

Dear Lyssa,

As you came to mind today, I had a revelation that you and I are kind of going through similar things...believe it or not!  I thought I'd share with you how I've been praying in my situation, and maybe it could be of encouragement to you.
  
One, I pray for the other person to change and see the light.  Oh how the situation could quickly be remedied if they'd realize the error of their ways.  HA!  Especially if they could see how much it was hurting others someone else.  We want people to recognize how they hurt us and are being "rude" and be sorry and willing to change.  Keep praying that way, and I will too. God can do it!

Secondly, the other way I have been praying in my situation, and I find it a bit harder, is "God change me."  I want Him to show ME the ways I need to change my expectation, my responses, and my heart.  Ultimately, I think that will be the more important prayer in my situation.  It's hard to learn how to love the unlovely, but God calls us to.  So, I've been trying to find ways to intentionally love. People tend to change more through love than demand.   It goes against every grain in me, but God calls us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  I don't always like doing it...or the response I get (or lack there of), but I know I'm being obedient to God's instruction to me. 

God put us in these situations for a reason.  Maybe its to grow us...and maybe its to love the other parties.  For some reason He thought we could handle it and has purpose in our trials.  My prayer for us both is that we become better (and not bitter) through the experience. 

He's with you, baby!  He loves you...walks beside you...and wants to work in and through your situation to make something beautiful in you.  Trials aren't fun, but for some reason, they stretch and grow us into more what He wants us to be. 

I'm praying for you and trusting for His intervention.

loving you...

Mom

Learning our part in hard relationships can often be challenging and takes us out of our comfort zones, but God is willing to walk with us as we are faithful to follow Him.  And as we are obedient, God will take care of the rest.

Lord, help our kids in their relationships with others.  Teach them to love abundantly, forgive freely, and pray diligently when relationships are strained and need mending.  You call us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, yet that is often so against our human nature.  Help Alyssa and Kyle to love supernaturally through your strength and leading.  Bring people into their lives who will show them good what healthy relationships look like, and who are willing to work through conflict and misunderstandings, and show them love and forgiveness when they mess up.  Lord, you give us people to love, and to love us in return.  May we be good stewards of the friendships you give us.  Amen.

 

Relationship Dealings

"Remind them to... malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men."  Titus 3:1-2 (NASB)

What happened to my blog post yesterday?  No great reason except that my brain was in a fog from attending Women's Retreat all weekend.  I know, excuses, excuses.  It never even crossed my mind until I was thinking about my phone call with Lyss on Sunday and was praying for her. (Yes, I finally heard from her...its been three weeks since she left for school.)

Lyss has been experiencing some struggles with her new roommates.  Everyone is different and has different ideas on how an apartment should look and run.  Conflicts with other people are a fact of life, yet how we deal with them can reflect if God is an active part of our lives.

My prayer for both of my kids is that they can deal with difficult circumstances and people with kindness, gentleness and love.  It won't always be easy, but with God's help, it's possible.  Speak with love.  Don't ignore.  Forgive easily.

I'm banking that with Him big changes will take place for Lyss and her roommates, and that they will not just "survive" one another, but come to enjoy new friendships.

Lord, you call us to love one another, forgive seventy times seven, and respond with gentleness.  Relationships with other people can sometimes be a challenge and following your plan in the midst of conflict can be harder than it sounds.  Help Alyssa and Kyle as they deal with struggles with other people.  Keep their mind focused on you, and your hopes for their responses.  Extending kindness and grace can sometimes be hard, but with you, dear Jesus, it's possible.  Lord, help Alyssa and Kyle to be peaceable and show consideration to others, even in their disagreements.

 

Relationships Hurt

“If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. IAf he listens, you’ve made a friend."  Matthew 18:15

 My sweet family!

Any time we are in relationship with other people, there is bound to be conflict or hurt feelings.  Peacemaking, conflict resolution, and forgiveness are all hard lessons to learn, and practice doesn't always make it easier.

Today, in Women's Bible study, our "get to know you" question was "If you were Queen for a day, what law would you put in effect or what change would you make?"  One mom piped up and exclaimed, "No family fighting or sibling rivalry".  Amen.  Kids fight because they don't get their own way, which is not far from the reason adults fight either.

My prayer is that Alyssa and Kyle learn to deal with conflict, face hurts, and work through difficult situations.  Sometimes it will be by saying "I'm sorry".  And sometimes they will have to be brave and say "you hurt me".  Either way they will both take courage to do the right thing!

Do the hard work, babies, looking to Jesus for guidance and help!  He will be right there beside you, cheering you on!

Lord, teach Alyssa and Kyle to manage their relationships well.  When a friend hurts them, or causes strife, help them to face into the conflict and work things out, salvaging and building up their relationships.  Give Alyssa and Kyle courage to work hard on their relationships, and strength and wisdom to forgive easily.  Relationships with other will bless and enrich their lives in many ways, and are worth the effort to mend the hurt and clear the air.  Thank you, Lord, that you help us do the hard work relationships take.  Amen.

 

No Lies

"What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself."  Ephesians 4:25

Kyle (1999)

Lord, I pray that Alyssa and Kyle always speak truth.  Lies are so harmful to relationships and keep us from representing You.  May truth always be on their lips.

 

Let Anger Straggle in the Rear

"If a ruler’s anger rises against you, do not leave your post; 

calmness can lay great offenses to rest." --Ecclesiastes 10:4

Sensible people control their temper;
    they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. 

 --Proverbs 19:11

"Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life."  --James 1:19-21

Lord, you are the great Teacher, and your children sometimes have many things to learn.  You are a God who is slow to anger, abounding in love, and you forgive sin and rebellion.  Help us to have the same attitude.  Teach Alyssa and Kyle patience, love, and forgiveness, I pray.  Calm responses can lay great offenses to rest.   Help them to lead with their ears, follow up with their tongues, and let their anger straggle along in the rear.  May Alyssa and Kyle reflect you, dear Jesus.

Saying Sorry

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed."  James 5:16

"An apology is the superglue of life.  It can repair about anything."  --Lynn Johnston

Saying sorry is sometimes the hardest thing to do.  It's an important lesson in life and I pray that I've taught my kids well enough. 

Sorry is more than just the words.you say.
Sorry is listening and understanding.
Sorry is vital to every healthy relationship.

My kids, it's sometimes "hard to say I'm sorry", but it's always worth saying.  When you do, you show value to the other person and reflect the God who lives in you!

Lord, I pray that you soften and mold Alyssa and Kyle's hearts so that knowing when to say"sorry" becomes first nature to them.  Make them sensitive to the feelings and needs of others, dear Jesus, and have spirits that are compassionate, merciful, and forgiving.  I pray that your Spirit is always leading, guiding, prompting and healing Alyssa and Kyle's hearts.  Lord, make it easy for my dear children to say they are sorry.

 

Instruments of Peace

“A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18

 

Our kids have fought over the silliest things…

Seats in the car, suitcases, crackers,
balls, television channels, beds,
toilet paper, candy bars,
video games, getting the mail,
annoying noises, music preferences,
or volume levels of the music,
and of course, our dog Zoe.

This list is definitely not exhaustive, but truly exhausting.
Especially from this mother’s perspective.

I’ve tried to teach my children, that these things aren’t worth fighting over, especially if it damages their relationship in the process. No“thing” is more important than the person they are arguing with.

I’ve also tried instilling in them that they can be the end of the argument. They each have the opportunity to change the direction of the argument, just by dropping the discussion, or changing the tone of their voice. Speaking calmly in the midst of “hot” topics, is something that takes self-control and discipline, but can change a tense discussion into a peace-filled conversation. They can be the instrument of change and peace. Speaking with patience, reflects Christ living in them, and often brings about the calm that is needed to end the quarrel.

A mother’s greatest dream some days!

Lord, I’m sure it breaks your heart to see your people fighting and quarreling. It breaks your heart when we are not kind and compassionate with one another, and living with dissension and arguments. Please forgive us, Lord. Replace our angry words with ones marked by your peace, love, and mercy. When our feelings get out of control, and fighting seems the only answer, I pray that your Spirit interrupts us and reminds us to be calm, kind, and peaceful. Lord, remind our kids of the high importance of their relationship with one another. Instill in them that there is nothing worth fighting over that would cause broken relationships. Help us each to remember that we can be the end of the argument, and the one to mark our conversations with calm and peace. Lord, may we reflect you in all that we say and do.

 

Working for Peace

"God blesses those who work for peace,  
for they will be called the children of God."  Matthew 5:9

When Lyss was little I remember her being mad at a friend because she said something that hurt her feelings.
Or another friend who stole something from her.
Or I remember Kyle holding a grudge because his friend didn't come over to "play."
Or another friend who didn't treat him as a friend should.

Sometimes friends mess up.

Last week, in a Bible study I attend, something was shared that struck me.  I find it to be so true and it has caused me to be very intentional to work on my relationship with others...

"Our horizontal relationships always effect our vertical relationship, 

and our worship is weakened because of our lack of unity." 

Being peacemakers is hard work.  It takes discipline to keep from gossip and slander.  It takes courage to confront or work through disagreements and hurt feelings.  Often repentance and forgiveness is required, yet so hard to reach.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, 

but have not love, 

I am only a resounding gong 

or a clanging cymbal. "  

1 Corinthians 13:1

I want to be a good example to our kids on how to be a peacemaker.  I want them to be willing to work hard to mend broken relationships, come and speak to people they are in conflict with, and have hearts that find forgiveness easy. 

Conflict and gossip ruin relationships.

Hurt the church.

And impede our relationship with God.

Let peace begin today!

Lord, you are the Prince of Peace, and you are the Great Healer.  Help us to be instruments of your peace and healing.  Please help Alyssa and Kyle to value the people and relationships in their lives.  Help them to see the importance of their family and friends, and choose to work hard in making sure those relationships grow in love.  Bearing with each other and forgiving whatever grievances they may have against one another, is a high calling, but is worth all the work and effort they give it.  Teach them to not be afraid of conflict, and speaking truth, but that good things can come out of hard circumstances.  Lord, prod Alyssa and Kyle to always work towards peace.  At the same time, give them friends that value who they are, and are willing to work hard at their relationship as well.  Friends are a sweet part of life, and can give us much happiness.  Thank you, Lord, for giving us such a precious gift! May we hold onto all that is dear in our lives.